Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Fearless Predictions 2009

Here's a baker's dozen of predictions for the upcoming year:

1) Evgeni Malkin will win the Art Ross Trophy as the NHL’s leading scorer. He and Sidney Crosby will lead the Penguins to another Stanley Cup berth vs Detroit.

2) San Jose will again be the second best team in the Western Conference, but will remain fruitless in playoff hockey.

3) Two of the three big money free agent signings by the New York Yankees will be complete busts. The other will have an average season.

4) The Boston Celtics will repeat as NBA Champions.

5) Brett Farve will retire only to return 5 months later. The media will generate thousands of stories about “will he or won’t he”, but the regular football fan just want him to make up his damn mind.

6) J.J. Abrams’s Star Trek will be a big hit, but will not manifest in a world-wide increase of Trekkies.

7) Legal trouble will continue around Watchmen delaying its release for several months. Fox and Warner Bros eventually come to an agreement, but only Watchmen fans go to see the movie. They clog the Internet with their reaction which range from “Worst. Movie. Ever.” to “Best. Movie. Ever.”, with the occasional “the comic was better” sprinkled in.

8) Despite being completely unsatisfied with the governor and state legislature’s performance, New Jersey voters will continue sending Democrats to Trenton as they have for the past 30+ years.

9) Caroline Kennedy will be appointed Senator from New York. Al Franken will narrowly win the recount over Norm Coleman prompting Franken to wander around the Senate halls saying, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, I’m still relevant.”

10) There will be record crowds clogging the streets of Washington, D.C. for MLK/Inauguration weekend, but still less than half the 4 million projected.

11) Despite failing in the 1970's and being thoroughly discredited by the economic expansion of the 1980's and 1990's, Keynesian economic policies will be enacted by governments across the world in response to the current economic crisis.

12) U2’s No Line on the Horizon will be the top selling album of the year. Billy Joel will continue his string of 16 straight years not releasing a rock album.

13) The successes of Sean Chervover, Ray Banks, Dave White, and other young writers will prove the PI genre is not dead. Still, there will be great weeping and gnashing of teeth saying that it is.

Happy New Year!


Cormac Brown said...

"Malkin?" No, you spell "Art Ross Trophy," "T-h-o-r-t-o-n." And The Sharks will turn the corner this year.

Happy New Year!

StephenD said...

Thorton will probably be in the top 5 as he always is. But Malkin is currently on pace for 103 assists. Only three other players in history have ever had more than 100: Gretzky, Lemieux, and Bobby Orr.

I hope you're right about San Jose. They've got a good club and one of the best goalies in the league.

Happy New Year to you too!